11.06

i was having engineering graphic class in d evening..and i got to do lab in d morning too...classes on a freakin friday..so e.g class went like normal till suddenly i got a message from don.."yana call jap?" class almost ended.dh rsa xsdap ati dah..cuz mcm jarang lak for him to ask me to call him..so as a good friend i replied him with a call..so i was right.. he was crying. that was my 1st time dengar don nanges..he was crying so hard..painfull..don,sorry bout this..i hope u dont mind...so i was agak tkejut...i asked him what happened..first thing that came out from his mouth is "am".



its ok for u to cry don...just cry as hard as u want...i will always be there for u...and just tell me whenever u need me ok...yea i know how does it feel to be u...so dont worry.



he told me everything..every single thing..i felt sorry for him..and i cant help myself to cry at the same time...i was about to cry.but i know,he needed my help..i have to calm him down..i hold the tears..and i told him to stop crying.but then i just knew that telling people to stop crying wont do any good..so i let him cried..and after a couple of minutes he stopped..and he shared his problems.

he said,he wanted to change..i said,dont.

but yes don,we're losing our sanity.

i went back to my hostel alone...i need to be alone..i started to relate his situation with mine..and i lied about having fever.im not sick. i just need to be alone.at least for today. im sick of expectations. sick of feeling down all the time. i need to change the way i am too..so i said to don,yes lets change for the better.



i still love you.i need u. but....i know u dont care bout me too much. and im not giving up..i wont give up.but things are not going to change if im the only one who's trying. u dont think about the differences between us do u? i malas nk ckp..malas nk ungkit2..malas nk bising2.but have u ever think bout u dgn i dlu and u dgn i now? we dont have commitments dlu..we were free..and leh kata ari2 jmpk..and not to forget the messaging thing. 24-7 dok msg..2 situation u dlu dgn i..yes u did suffer.but have i ever leave u even for a second?xkn?and u said u were trying?then think bout being in my shoes! do we get to see each others slalu?do i get to text u like all the time??no!bcoz we both have commitments!



"u,i've been doin a lot of thinking and again,i admit its my fault.i've been so carried away sampai lupa diri and nak divide time i..sumpah i pikir blk then i realize it was totally all me..i know i dont deserve your apology but please forgive me..i want us to be like we used to..im sorry.."



i kept this message.



mmg i ada ckp "sng u ckp"..yes. mmg! at least by having the chance to talk with the one u love everyday can ease the pain that you're going thru..and i dont even stand a chance to do so! and now you're telling me to be strong...strong huh..i know zarif ismail is strong.but not me..and stop buying and giving me things!u make me think that you're giving me chances when i know you're not!stop being so nice to me.dont treat me like im special!

i hate myself.